Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
