I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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