sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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