Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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