So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
