So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize