At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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