We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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