I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
