What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
