This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
