I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
