covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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