I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
