I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
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He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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