Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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