No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
