ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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