Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
