remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
