When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
