Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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