tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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