Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
