her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
