Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
