While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
