He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
