Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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