and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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