the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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