I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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