thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
