sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so let's talk penis.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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