Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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