This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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