Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize