What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
