I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
