is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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