where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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