hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize