chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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