He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
