Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
