I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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