god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
