How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
