Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
