I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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