i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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