Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
