I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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