but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
