I look better un-naked...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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