someone get that fucking seahorse.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have already put on my inside pants.
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