i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
