addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
