I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize