Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize