She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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