Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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