he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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