matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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