i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
God, I missed his penis.
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