hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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