i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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