Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
