I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I have post one night stand depression
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
