I think I just saw someone hide a body.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
