Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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