I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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