So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
