She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
